A Glimpse Into My Weakness

barricade

I’m not easy with confessions and apologies are a serious infringement on my pride. However, in prayerfully considering my actions and attitudes for quite some time, both would seem to be in order. To those who know me, it is no secret that I have a tendency to overcrowd my schedule and life in general. One of the consequences of living that way over an extended period of time is what I now recognize as “compartmental barricading.”

Compartmental barricading (a personal phrase) is defined as completely isolating and ignoring people or situations out of perceived necessity. It sounds like prioritization, but goes much deeper, strains relationships, actually counteracts its own intention, and is ultimately sin. Practically, it is a self-preservation mechanism that allows a person to function without drowning beneath the weight of all the pressure they are under. Relationally, it fails to connect and remain engaged. Emotionally, it is draining and isolating. Spiritually, it is dangerous.

Perhaps a case study will contribute to greater understanding. Imagine a person trying to juggle two jobs, going to school, managing a household, and also trying to maintain personal relationships with family and friends. Inevitably something or someone is going to be neglected. Studying for tests, turning in reports, catching up with loved ones, responding to emails, getting the oil changed, paying the bills, sweeping the floor, devoting time to prayer and studying the Bible, attending church, facilitating meetings, grocery shopping, catching up on office paperwork, having a date night, and writing a paper are all feasible obligations in a twelve hour period. What if most days are just that busy or even more during certain timeframes? You get the idea.

In the wake of “compartmental barricading” lie broken friendships, missed opportunities, personal depression, and lukewarm spirituality. This is not a plea for pity, it is a confession and an apology. I’m extremely vulnerable in this area. Coupled with my introversion and proclivity towards seasonal sullenness this tendency is a struggle I must keep in check.

I can only leave you with lyrics that summarize where I am better than my own words can.

Well I’m trying to fit one in the other
But 7 into 5 don’t go
I’m trying to get along with my brother
But my brother is so hard to know
I don’t want no soul to suffer
But it’s not an easy line to toe
So I’m working on it
Ah working on it

I’m working on it

Yeah…i’m working on it

~David Gray

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